Candidates will flesh out their positions

As the saying goes, all politics is local.

That means in West Delray, you've got to work the delis. In Riviera Beach, you've got to make inroads with the black clergy. And in Loxahatchee Groves, well, you better be ready to press the flesh in the local nudist colony.

That's why on Thursday night, nearly all of the candidates for the first-ever Loxahatchee Groves Town Council will gather for a debate at Sunsport Gardens Family Naturist Resort.

Only one of the 10 candidates is throwing in the towel by opting to stay away. The other nine will be trolling for votes among their clothing-optional constituents.

"There's probably a hundred votes in there," said candidate Marge Herzog, who jokingly said that she'll be wearing "as little as possible" for the forum.

The forecast calls for a balmy evening in the upper 70s, with sultry southeast breezes, and a nearly full moon. In other words, good get-out-the-vote weather for the intentionally underdressed.

Loxahatchee Groves is a newly created small town with few businesses, which means that Sunsport Gardens, and its owner, Morley Schloss, are big players.

"They're part of our community," said candidate Dave Autrey. "In terms of a customer of the town, Morley pays a fortune in taxes."

It's refreshing to see local politics move in such a revealing direction: From "pay to play" in West Palm Beach to "skin to win" in Loxahatchee Groves.

Who's going to moderate the debate?

"I put out a lot of feelers, but nobody responded," Schloss said. "So I'll probably end up moderating."

In the nude?

"If I can get somebody else to moderate, I'll sit in the audience without my clothes on," Schloss said. "But if I have to moderate, I don't think it would look right if I'm up there with nine people at a long table and I'm the only one not clothed."

But Schloss added that it's important that the candidates aren't squeamish about residents who show up naked.

"We want to elect people who are comfortable with us," he said.

Schloss is devising the format of the candidate's forum.

Being that I am the lyricist of the Loxahatchee Groves town song, it's only fair that I get to set a few of the ground rules for Thursday night's debate.

So here goes:

Rule No. 1: No campaign buttons allowed in the room due to safety issues regarding the pins.

Rule No. 2: The candidates will each be allowed five minutes to photograph their opponents embracing nude members of same sex for use in campaign mailers to registered voters outside Sunsport Gardens.

Rule No. 3: Avoid dirty politics; bring a towel.

Rule No. 4: The candidates will not be allowed to say "I have nothing to hide" if they are wearing any clothing.

Rule No. 5: To keep the tone civil, candidates should refrain from speaking about their opponents, and instead, use their time to talk about their accomplishments, goals and unusual tattoos.

Rule No. 6: No rebuttals. If you ask for a rebuttal, it's likely to lead to a disruptive misunderstanding.

Rule No. 7: Instead of putting your opponent on the hot seat, join him or her after the debate in the hot tub.

Rule No. 8: Candidates must use the word "naturist" rather than "nudist." Any candidate who refers to Sunsport Gardens as a "nudist camp" will not be invited to play midnight nekkid volleyball.

Rule No. 9: Only candidates with open shirts will get to make closing statements.

Rule No. 10: Each candidate will sign a release form to appear in a straight-to-DVD production titled Democracy Gone Wild!